This past winter I read a wonderful book called How to Know a Person by the New York Times columnist David Brooks. In his book, David Brooks contends that one of the essential elements in getting to know another person is to listen and to listen well. He calls it “loud listening.”
Brooks contends that we must first acknowledg that none of us listens very well. You know how easy it is to be distracted and unfocused, leaning into what’s already going on in your head or contemplating a response while the other person talks and missing most of what the other person is saying. And when we don’t listen well, Brooks writes about the “bad habits” we develop like interrupting someone in mid-sentence or instead of listening, seeking to solve or fix someone’s problem, or if we feel threatened or criticized, we will not so much seek clarity but jump to defending ourselves. Truly listening to another person, Brooks suggests, involves listening to a person’s life story, giving them space to tell their story, and to avoid turning the conversation to make it about you.
Today, we begin a series of weeks in the book of James and James has something to say about listening. James reads a lot like the Old Testament wisdom literature – Proverbs, Job, Ecclesiastes and many of the psalms. Consider James New Testament wisdom literature.
What’s distinctive in James is that the writer resists placing wisdom in the world of ideas and goes straight to the practical. This is wisdom at its best because it explores what it means to live wisely on the ground in everyday life. and what it looks like to live as a Christian in community. As we heard in the second reading today, James writes: “Be quick to listen and slow to speak.” When we do this we are truly seeking to know the other and to actually love one another.
I have a friend who is a really good listener. I can tell he’s listening because from the pieces of story I share, he asks questions and then more questions about my family, where I grew up, my schooling and call to ministry and more. Once the conversation has ended, I feel listened to and affirmed and then I get to believe that my story matters, and what I think and feel matters. I feel heard and seen.
James wants to say that this sort of behavior builds others up, but more than that: such behavior gives glory to God.
“Let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God’s righteousness.”
Slow to anger? Each of us gets angry and sometimes justifiably angry but when we dwell in our anger and take up residence there, it can shape our behavior and the way we end up treating others in ways that tear them down instead of building them up. An inability to listen or smothering others with our own speech does not let others in and we are not open.
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.”
Be open.
In the Gospel for today, Jesus opens the ears of a man born deaf who can barely speak. The dream of God spoken by Isaiah begins to come true in Jesus. Jesus puts his fingers in the deaf man’s ears, spits, touching his tongue, sighs deeply and cries Ephphatha. In Aramaic it means “be open.”
The man who was deaf begins to hear and his speech impediment is removed. Though Jesus orders everyone to keep quiet about this, they cannot help themselves and spread the word far and wide. to tell no one, he can’t help himself and spreads the word widel. Gifts of speech and hearing are restored and the same sort of thing is happening in all of Jesus’ healings and miracles, and amazement at Jesus grows.
As I hear this story again, I begin to see how our senses are gifts. To hear and speak is truly a gift. For Jesus to heal sicknesses such as these and to restore people to life is to see that God desires health and wholeness and these sensory gifts are precious and we are called to use them well. Do we use them well when we only listen to what we want to listen to? Do we use them well when our speech is not so much in the interest of others, but become huge megaphones to simply promote ourselves and our self-interest?
God opens up our senses to serve neighbors and to bless and honor God.
Ephphatha. Be open. Be open.
Many of the rites for Christian Baptism include the ancient rite of Ephphatha, so named because of Jesus’ healing of the deaf man.
When used in baptism, the presiding minister will say something like “May the Holy Spirit open your ears to receive God’s word and your mouth to proclaim God’s praise.”
In some rites for infant baptism, the presider touches the infant’s ears and lips and nostrils so that they may be open – open to professing faith in Christ, open to hearing God’s word, and open to smelling the “sweet aroma of Christ so that the devil will flee.”
I’ve never used an ephphatha rite in baptism but I have had the privilege of presiding at a services in the weeks preceding baptism for adults where something very similar takes place. Standing before the worshiping assembly, those preparing baptism receive the sign of the cross on their senses. The signing is done by their sponsor. In the ritual they receive the sign of the cross on their ears that they may be open to God’s Word, their eyes that they may see the things of Christ, and their mouths that they may sing the praises of Christ.
The prayer is that those who will or are being baptized, that is, entering a brand new world, will be open with all of their senses to the mystery of God and the works of the Spirit. We depend upon God to train our ears and steward our speech.
God is our best resource for living. God’s task of opening us up is one of God’s ongoing tasks.
So we listen to be more than hearers of the Word. We listen to be doers of the Word. We pray that God will open our ears and minds and hearts and so be open. Baptism is the beginning of a life of being open to God’s ongoing work of opening us so that we may be doers of the Word.
Be quick to listen, slow to speak or put it this way: talk less and listen more. I wonder what it might be like if the church is known for that place where people listen to one another and to the neighbor. What a tremendous, counter-cultural witness of love in a world where there is way too much noise, too many quarrels, and moral judgements.
Sadly, many churches are perceived (and often the perception is real) not for openness but for loud bluster, self-righteousness, narrow mindedness, and judgmentalism. What would it be like for the church of Christ to be known as the place with open ears, hearts, and minds, not for ulterior motive, but for no other reason than to love our neighbors as ourselves.
Such a way of being mirrors the very heart of God who is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
Amen